Conversations
How to get better at small talk
Small talk is a skill with about four moves in it: open, offer something, follow up twice, and exit. People who are good at it are not more interesting — they simply ask a second follow-up instead of switching topics.
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Open with the situation you are both in
Openings do not need to be clever. They need to be easy to answer, which is why the shared situation beats a compliment or a joke.
- "Have you been to one of these before?"
- "What brought you here?"
- "How do you know [host]?"
- "I'm going to be honest, I don't know anyone here yet."
The two-follow-up rule
Where most conversations die versus where they take off
Before: "What do you do?" — "I'm a nurse." — "Cool. Have you tried the food?"
After: "What do you do?" — "I'm a nurse." — "Which ward?" — "Paediatric ICU." — "That sounds heavy. What gets you through a bad shift?"
Surviving a lull
Do not reach for a new topic. Reach backwards into something they already said: "You mentioned you'd just moved — how's that going?" Lulls feel like failure to you and pass unnoticed by almost everyone else.
Exit cleanly
Name the exit and give a reason: "I'm going to say hello to a couple of people before the talk — really good to meet you." A clean exit is what makes people willing to talk to you again next time.
How to practise
Set one goal per conversation for a week: ask a second follow-up before talking about yourself. That single change does more than any list of topics, and it is easy to rehearse out loud beforehand.
Common questions
- What should I talk about in small talk?
- The situation you are both in, then whatever they offer. Follow their answers rather than steering to a prepared topic.
- How do I stop it feeling fake?
- Ask one question you are genuinely curious about. Curiosity is the difference between small talk and interrogation.
Practise five minutes of small talk
With someone who will not remember your worst opening.
Practise small talkFree, with no payment details and no locked features.