Conversations
How to have better conversations
The difference between a forgettable conversation and a good one is usually who is doing the following. Good conversationalists take shorter turns, ask about specifics rather than categories, and let the topic go where the other person's energy is.
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Ask about the specific, not the category
Specific questions prove you were listening last time, and they are far easier to answer than an open-ended sweep.
Category versus specific
Before: "So how's work?"
After: "Is that project you were dreading over yet?"
Keep your turns shorter than feels natural
Aim for turns of two or three sentences in casual conversation. Long turns are the most common reason people describe someone as hard to talk to, and shortening them is the fastest available improvement.
Trade, do not compete
When someone tells you something hard, resist the reflex to match it with your own bigger version. Ask one question about theirs first. Then, if it fits, offer yours — as company, not as comparison.
Let silence do some work
Two seconds of quiet after someone finishes often produces the most honest sentence in the conversation. Filling it immediately trains people to stay on the surface.
Common questions
- How do I make conversations less shallow?
- Ask a second and third question about whatever they mentioned in passing. Depth almost always sits one follow-up beyond where most people stop.
- What if the other person gives one-word answers?
- Offer something of your own first — people mirror. If two offers and two follow-ups get nothing, they may simply not want to talk, which is not a failure on your part.
Try it in a practice conversation
See your question-to-statement ratio and how long your turns actually ran.
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